Conversations are how we move in the world. People talk to each other and get inspired, turned down, turned on, pointed in a new direction or they mumble and fuck it up. We speak to ourselves and recap important facts that need considering or focus on other topics that create our emotional state. Having these conversations planned out, doesn’t work as well but being aimed and prepared is actually a constant of human behavior; it is quite simple and enormously favorable to prepare one’s self for the conversations they want to have which would create the things they desire.
To figure out what you want to talk about starts best by figuring out where you want to end up. Asking the obvious question,”what do you want” is ambiguous and far from constructive, but a worthwhile swing in the dark of this strategy. The relationship of being understood and enjoyed by others in the particular light and theme of one’s preference is the goal. Decide what would be a fun and great interaction and meditate on that. Be in the solution and work backwards to figure out one’s goals.
Here are some general guidelines: we want to be amused, upbeat, clever, appreciated, enjoyed, encouraged, and informed. For me personally I want to find a new friend group. Currently I am new to the bay and haven’t broken into any social groups. So, I need to behave as though I have friends who love me so that people who could be these friends will take the cue and we can start the not-lonely-Tyler play. But what do I want to talk about and how do I want to roll with it?
There was one occasion where I pulled random people into a group playing a scene from a dungeon and dragon’s campaign I was making up on the spot. They each were asked to pick a new race, set of abilities, and skill set to their liking. I then inquired what if laser beams were fired onto folks, how would they react. None of these people knew each other and they all went with it. My conviction to how fun, important, and real a conversation this was is was created the pull. That’s a deep shade of charisma to show and very easy. This story is here to show you how fluidly people WANT to join into something fun and important where they’re treated as such.
So I want people to tell me important things, pull me into new party or convention or research opportunities. Perhaps you want something similar, and the action is the same for everyone; be the person who is ready for that conversation. Be looking to learn, assist, and engage people. Allow excitement for new and challenging growth to wet your tongue and your face to show such standfast passion. Imagine what you want happening and people you want showing up to love doing it with you.
Many minds go to the counter of this; but assholes and jerks will judge me. GOOD, THEN DON’T FUCKING THINK ABOUT THEM! They are the opposite of what you want so imagine their dire opposites. Center your emotional state on that. I am afraid people will not want to sleep with me or think I am worth inviting to new events or parties, or that Im not smart enough to help them in their epic endeavors; these are all excellent growth points. The opposite of these things is what I want.
In conversation, one wants to banter and question. Tension is incredibly important in flirting and maintaining interest and relevance. Push the people, playfully, in the topic and relationship of your choice. Joke about your own weaknesses as it shows vulnerability and esteems self-awareness then makes you real. The most popular person to talk to is the person is great and admits their own faults; Mr. Perfect gets boring and second place trophies all day.
Probably most important is to aim at getting people involved with you and aiming high. Always be genuine and then look for something you love and enjoy to compliment or bring up them. People love to talk about one thing more than anything else; themselves. Giving someone an earnest compliment on a topic which expresses your genuine interest and knowledge of the topic is a brilliant strategy to garner interest. So pick some topics you like and think about what a conversation on them would go like. Then approach with these aforementioned strategies. Also, know you’re enjoyable and awesome; persistently believe and practice that.
