I am not insecure, I am better than this. If anything, Im angry. The world has screwed me over, lied to me and luck is never on my side! Maybe my expectations are ridiculous and Im so sorry I let people down… but Im supposed to be so much better than this. If anything similar to this is or has occurred in your inner-narrative, this is a good blog for you to read. Insecurity is not accepting how fragile and weak humans are. We also have an enormous capacity for growth and ability, but capacity/talent is action or ability. One must accept the problem before it can be understood or overcome.
A pain of a defensive person is they know they could do better and wish they would… but they then hate themselves because they aren’t. This sounds maddening to someone outside that box. The solution is simple but to be there means anxiety, fear and self-loathing have a strangle hold on one’s actions and thought processes. To simply stop doing stupid shit and start doing smart shit, is really fucking simple and the correct route out. The hard part is dealing with where one is at.
Stop being fucking mean to yourself. That is where defensiveness resides. One attacks themselves for something they are and wants to be something they’re not. Its as if they made a mistake and are angry about said mistake but will not stop making that mistake. And it means they’re OK with being hurt, because they’re doing it to themselves. One of the beautiful truths of defensiveness is that it means we have a higher, or at least a different standard. Outside of our current action, there are other options. Since beating one’s self up kills passion, confidence, sense of self, momentum, positive and pragmatic trains of thought and the majority of productive parts of thought, wouldn’t it make sense to stop hurting one’s self if one wants to do or be better? There’s a person and standard in the defensive mind which is doing better. What would that mind do to its feelings in a way to assuage and empower themselves. Fucking do that.
Accept that you have been in pain and that you have fucked up. There’s no other way life works. Perfect includes that or isn’t real. It is a constant factor of life to run into things one doesn’t understand. The Universe is enormous and we are infinitesimal. Our hurt is significant but by no means strange, wrong or the end of the world. It’s fucking normal. There is so much going on in the world that to not be confused or mess up is literally goddamn impossible. This is facts, indulge your ego on it.
I am not telling you that you’re pretending to be way more powerful than a person can be, nor that said pretense is stupid; Evidence is, and being mad at this is to create anger at reason and reality. Accepting fallibility as part of the self is to be reasonable, because that’s part of being human.
Change is the way to beat defensiveness. Being open and comfortable to change, growth is what defensiveness blocks. Being malleable oversteps the need to admit one’s wrongs or weaknesses and goes straight to becoming fit. We don’t need to destroy ourselves or go back in time and back everything right that was wrong. Now needs attention and correct direction. As one starts making the right moves now, the past’s misinterpretations and weights will be far easier to make right or drop entirely.
Accepting that problems which may arise in the future are not the problems and odd circumstances of the past is letting go of fear. If fear is the only real thing to fear then looking at the reality of the future and present means not looking at the fear of the past. Jumping to by-gone conclusions is what fear does. Getting into the nuance and phenomenology, the significant truth and individual particularities of this now, of the new now is how one thinks their way out of fear. Generalizing things makes one feel comfortable in a lazy way because they can then “understand” everything about to happen without being involved in it. They can assume and not think, a pretentious state of mind and being. A sad place to be, honestly not at all a powerful or real one. Fear controls that because they’re afraid of being wrong or hurt again. That, is living in the past. Giving the now and present full focus and presence is exiting and letting go of fear, insecurity and defensiveness.
Creating a trust in logic and possibility is key. Realizing you’re not alone and we learn from each other is another key. Letting go of ego and need to always be instantly right is growing the fuck up, and a key. To grow and learn is to be smart. One can’t do this if they’re defending a pretense where they’re already perfect and know everything.
