If there is no time in between, no leading up to the finale…

you’d just be the last VHS of the Titanic with no story… (do any of you even know what a VHS tape is/that Titanic took up three of them?)

Anyway..

No, I didn’t want this to happen.

Yes, I saw it coming.

Yes, I thought I wanted it.

And yes, it is ok to change my mind.

She is seven and I am twenty-five and somewhere in between two-ish decades, the dictionary changed for me.

Because now that I have found purpose in this life,
More than just my blood on a knife.
Now I can finally say,
That these scars will fade and fade away.
Fool me once shame me once shame on me,
But fool me twice and now I know it was never meant to be.

The change I made was my way of thinking. The thoughts you tell yourself form your own personal reality. If you wake up in the morning dreading the day ahead, and you think it’s going to suck and be miserable… guess what? It probably will be.

PTSD, anxiety, depression, emptiness, loneliness…
These are just a few things that have to be kept away.

Suffering this PTSD alone, I gave up on myself. 
I feel the blood leave my veins and the life start to fade. 
Vaguely hearing ambulance sirens, faintly seeing lights.