I wish my life was a movie,

Playing the depressing daughter,

The middy girlfriend.

That role relating to nothing of the real me.

But that’s just it “a role”.

I AM that depressing daughter,

I AM that moody girlfriend.

Because depression isn’t a movie or a role you can play.

It’s real & sticks with you forever.

So how do you get rid of it?

You can cut so deep where you just fade from the amount of blood loss,

But that’s too slow.

You can drive off a bridge & die on impact,

But that would cause a scene.

You can put a gun up to your head & pull the trigger.

The big question is where would you want to die,

Where would that final spot be?

My spot would be where I didn’t feel pain, anger, depression.

I would go to the place where I felt peace.

The place where I felt love,

Sitting under the stars,

The smell of the ocean on me & the sand between my toes.

Because that moment I was loved & forgotten about the loneliness, the uselessness. 

I want my last breathes to be on Tower 22, 

Where Logan promised me forever. 

That’s where I want my final glimpse at my life to be. 

But since I am that depressing person,

I have to throw a little twist on on how I would want to die. 

The reason I would want to die on Tower 22,

Is because that is the place I failed Logan,

I failed my family.

All because of weakness.

Too weak to fight,

Too weak to stay & grow.

Weakness while I leave it all behind.

That’s my twisted way,

To go to that final place so it encourages me to take my life,

Then makes me suffer as I end everything. 

Because for me, I can’t go peacefully.

I need to suffer in my final breathes. 

Reason is I’ll be leaving everyone I love behind & they’ll have to live with me being gone. 

The only thing I would hope for is for everyone to just move on & forget me. 

As long as they all remember one thing,

Is how much I will always love them. 

Forever & Always. 

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